Abused?

Hi Maia – first of all, you have not done anything wrong. Secondly, you do certainly do not need to be punished in any respect.

Okay, so you were naive. This guy told you what you wanted to hear so you would trust him even more – grooming – as Bella has said. Learn from the experience, you need to be assertive in situations like that, it can certainly go too far too quick. Don’t place yourself into that situation if you can’t control it. It doesn’t matter if a guy you meet goes to Church or not, going to Church does not always instil honesty, integrity and respect.

You must ask yourself, and answer yourself honestly though – did you not say ‘no’ or protest because you may have been curious yourself, or was it because you were genuinely in shock and did not know how to react? At 16 there is nothing wrong with being curious as long as you are in control of the situation and know when to stop. There is nothing to feel guilty about, but from what I can gather from your post perhaps you would be made to feel guilty by the people around you? Some guys will try it on with you and see how far they can get before you say ‘no’ or ‘stop’. Unfortunately at your age, there will be many guys out there who just want your friendship to try and get into your pants. Also though, there will also be guys out there who will want you as a genuine friend and respect you, and won’t do anything that you do not want to.

Sometimes it is difficult to try and determine whether someone is genuine or not, but I am sure you have learned from this experience. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. When the right guy and the right moment comes along, you will not mind being touched on your stomach, if being touched is what you want.

As far as this guy is concerned, I think you should cool it off and not hang out alone with him. If he asks why, tell him that you don’t trust him and do not want to spend time alone together.

I think you feel scared for several reasons: you were not in control of a situation that could have gone much further; you are venturing into unknown territory and do not know how to react; you have feelings of guilt because of what other people will think of you especially your parents; you have been brought up with a strict protocol of right and wrong and you feel as if you are doing bad things. When you see this guy at school you have these feelings of anxiety that make you want to run away.

Okay, so learn how to be assertive – practice speaking out when in the company of your friends and expressing your opinion. When something affects how you feel, express yourself. Let others know how you feel. Practice saying ‘no’ or ‘I do not want to’ or ‘yes, I would like that’. As Bella suggests, learn self defence, this will give you much more confidence. Don’t get into personal situations that you will not be able to control. Remember that a lot of guy’s intentions is to get into your pants and some will say and do anything to get there.

Anyway, chill. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Take care, best wishes.